This is Jay on drugs

Jay had his wisdom teeth out yesterday and I was very excited because I love watching my children come off anesthesia. It is so entertaining. Dallan tends to flirt with nurses and Erin gets chatty and friendly with strangers. I had never seen Jay this way, however, except when he was a baby with his many cancer surgeries. But for babies they just cry. So, I was interested to see him all grown up on drugs. You know, temporary drugs, not really on drugs---right.

Ok, so we went in and 45 min. later the nurse called me back. Jay was immediately entertaining. He was shooting off funnies left and right and the nurse and I were laughing so hard. The trip home was dangerous because I started writing down what he was saying while driving on the freeway all while laughing so hard the tears were blurring my vision. I almost pulled off on the Meridian exit because I was worried.

He went on like this for about an hour or so. I am going to try to encapsulate some of the funniest highlights here if I can. And we got one small video clip too that I'll post.

*When the nurse was telling me how to make ice packs with zip-lock bags: (loudly) "I love zip-lock bags! They're the best. (Long pause) No other bags are like zip-lock bags!"

*"I'm like a dinosaur. I'm like a dinosaur. (Long pause) Like a big mouth. Not anymore. They took my teeth"

*When the nurse was telling him not to suck, use a straw or spit: "Like don't spit on the floor?" (Nurse: "No, like no spitting at all") (loudly) "NO spitting on the floor!!"

*When the nurse started wheeling him out of the office: "Whoa! this is like lagoon!" (Nurse: what is?) "This ride!" (Nurse: what is the ride called?) "WHEELCHAIR ride!)

*In the car, he puts on his hoodie with difficulty, asking why the jacket does't work anymore because he couldn't get it zipped. He yelled at the jacket "AW, come ooooonnnn..!" Then he put the hood on his head and pulled the strings of the hood so tight that only his nose was sticking out and told me "these are my levers" as he pulled the strings back and forth. I asked what the levers were for and he cinched the strings tight and said "like when you pull them like this- No Worries!" He kept the "levers" tight like that the whole ride home with his nose sticking out.

*"There's a watermelon in my mouth. How did they get a watermelon in my mouth?"

*The nurse told me that when kids are just coming out of anesthesia is the best time to get them to divulge secrets. So I asked Jay if he'd been kissing Melissa---"No way! That's gross. You get spit all over you. We kissed once upon a time but that was NOT good. We talked about it and said that was not good. Now I can't kiss because I have a watermelon in my mouth."

*What happened next became a predominant theme for Jay all the way home. I started to barely back out of the parking stall and he yelled at me: "WHOA! mom! why are you going so fast?!" Every time I came to a stop and then started again (going normal speed, mind you) he said things like: "Take it easy cowboy!" "Mom, I didn't think you had it in you!" You're breaking the speed limit-you think you're so fast!!" "This is nothing like lagoon!!! Whoa!" And while taking a turn: "Hey, easy, easy!!" "what's gotten into you, mom?", "here we go!!!", "look at you go!" (laughing) and, (laughing crazily like he was on a rollercoaster) "MOooooooM!!! You are SO fast-OH MY GOD!!!!" And my favorite: (still laughing uncontrollably) "What are you doing? Its like we're in a wind tunnel!!-we're Chitty Chitty Bang-Bang! I need some knee pads so I don't get hurt!"


*"My arms aren't working (as he pulls the "levers" quickly)

*"Guess what? (pause) The.....the......the.....the.....the..... (longer pause) the brown lady said she would make me cookies. (Me: "what brown lady?") "that lady Shenanigan... (there was a nurse named Shenanda) she said she will make me cookies (pause)....and I trust her, I do"

*Stopped at a stoplight: "yeah, take it easy, slow like that"

*"I don't remember them taking my teeth out, but they definitely did. They're good at that. Good customer service. They know how to treat their customers. (Pause) My grandpa told me Customers First!! and the business will take care of itself." (I asked him which grandpa) "You know, the business one".

*(laughing hard) "I got gummy worms on my lips!" (I notice he is biting his lips pretty hard and tell him to stop eating his lips) "I can't-the gummy worms are attached to my lips."

*You know what they should make? A building where the sun comes in. Like a building where the top is off, like a Sun Building. (pause-this is when I almost pulled off) Like you walk in and instead of having windows there is just a hole in the top and they bring the sun in. No lights, just sun. You could tan there. (I ask what shape the building is) "Its like a pepsi can. But on top its like----you know when a dog breaks his neck and they put that thing on his neck? That's on top of the building--like a big honkin' funnel!! (laughs)

*Now just off the Nampa exit we pass a KFC restaurant: "Hey stop!! Aw, too late. Man, I wanted mashed potatoes." (I tell him I will make him some at home) "Naw-you don't even know." (I tell him I've made mashed potatoes before) "HA! WhatEVER!"

*Now at home I call Jose to come help me take noodle-legs into the house and he keeps laughing and saying "DAD-you're so funny!" (Jose asks why) "Exactly!"

*We get Jay settled into his reclining chair and I ask Ana how she's doing (she was sick) and if she had thrown up. Jay: "You want me to throw up?! I threw up a couple of days ago--freakin' Shari's! (he had gone to eat at Shari's for a cast party) "I can't take it anymore-I've got to go to bed."

Stuff

So, Garity said I needed to update my blog. I guess I do.

Actually, I have tried to enjoy being a mega-blogger, but I'm just not. I tried to be a tole-painter and a scrap-booker too, and I just couldn't. I think blogging and face-booking is like electronic scrap-booking. I know it is great relaxation for some folks, but it sorta makes me feel ADD. But in an effort to connect to all who like it, I will try every now and then.

So, for now I'll just tell you what is on my mind. I've been thinking a lot about STUFF. Like the kind people acquire. I just think there is too much. Here. In this country. I like some of it, but not the "too much" of it, which has always lead me to try to not have that much-- on purpose --(contrary to what some people think). I just think that our disposable, instant gratification, keep up with the Joneses attitudes are basically what has lead to our national crisis. I read a book a few years ago called "Affluenza", which talks about overconsuming, over-needing and wasting STUFF. It compares affluence and consumerism to a disease (hence, Affluenza). I loved it. I agreed with it and found an author who agreed with what I had thought all along. Maybe I should have explained to people earlier on in my life that the reason I get most of my clothes at thrift stores and cook from scratch and avoid buying gadgets and "toys" when they first come out is because I like to win. I win if I can buy nice things on clearance or second-hand or later when the popularity factor has worn off. I win if I can make food cheaper (and better, by the way) than restaurants. I don't do it because it is my only option or I just don't know how to be on the cutting edge of consumerism. I just don't like the cutting edge, because that is where the losers are. They are getting suckered into the traps of the marketers and are losing a lot. Anyway, read "Affluenza" then take a look at this SNL clip. It's just what's been on my mind.

UPDATE: Harrison's post reminded me of another favorite book, "The Millionaire Next Door"-great book. I always laughed that this author calls STUFF "Status Artifacts" HA ha!!! So funny.

Leave it to mom

I noticed that mom is my first and only "follower" on the blog. I guess that seems to be true in life about moms. You always can count on them to be interested in their kids even if they are the only ones. Thanks mom! The real reason I am posting is because Ana noticed I hadn't posted and said I should and I asked what I should post about and she said her castanets. So I tried to post but realized I didn't know my own password so I had to get it from Erin. So here I am to tell you that Ana is getting new castanets because she is learning flamenco now. It is pretty cool if I must say so myself. Lets see, not to leave the other kids out, Jay is in the last two weeks of rehearsal for the play he is in and the music teacher tells me he is pretty hilarious in it, so that will be fun to see-he's supposed to be a terrible little troublemaker, so you can see why he got the part. Marie left her MP3 player in her laundry and found out that it really doesn't do too good after it goes through the wash cycle. Dallan is busy getting VISA papers off and just got done with a little bout of Typhoid after taking the live vaccine-how fun!

And me, well you know, I don't really have anything to do at all according to the IRS who sends that cute little summary every year before your birthday that tells you how much you have worked in your adult life. Mine says I haven't worked since I started having babies. Mind you, it doesn't say that you haven't had income or brought in actual money, it just says you haven't worked. Well, that didn't settle well with me because I do remember working just a LITTLE BIT raising FIVE people!!!!!! So I wrote them a letter telling them that they needed to change the wording because semantics mean everything to me in this case. I haven't heard back.

Oh well, that's ok. I'm pretty sure the people who love me know that I didn't quit working 21 years ago. Neither did my mom 45 years ago. She's still a mom. She follows my blog.